You know? I’m sick of seeing all the, “I hated 2011! I can’t wait until 2012! It’s going to be so much better!” Don’t wish your days away. Your year is what you make of it. We’ve all had our ups and downs this year. But we’ve made our days this year count. We’ve all lost people we’ve cared about, emotionally and physically. We’ve all made new friends, sparked new romances, made bad decisions, and done things we’ll never forget. Don’t say 2011 was a bad year. Look back only on the good times.
“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art — write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.”—Neil Gaiman (via elige)
Amanda came to lunch. We used to play with paper dolls in her grandmother’s attic and we used to go on adventures behind her grandmother’s house. I kept looking at her. We’re both so different. I kept wondering where’d all the time go.
I took in all that I could. I took you by the hand and we drove. We flew down the interstate and you blasted bad music, much to my protest. We sang along like idiots and smiled until our cheeks turned sore. We wound up in the town I spent about three years in, to one of the elementary schools I went to. The ground was covered in snow. We had a snowball fight. You were my first snowball fight. We swung on the rickety swings side by side. Just like I remembered, the chains suddenly gave out and the sound of straining iron cracked from above us. We threw each other panicked looks and jumped into the air. We were above gravity. We landed in the snow with a thud and laughed until our lungs ached. You almost carved our initials in the playground of my childhood, but the plastic was too frozen to cut. We laughed it off. I wish we could have made our mark, just in case. I took you back to my aunt’s house, and then we took off on another adventure to the movie theatre. It was on a road that didn’t exist. The GPS nagged us to no end, trying to get us to make a u-turn. Shut up, Sasha. I blurted out seven, very unlike me words to you on the way there. Another time. Holmes and Watson filled our vision. You wrapped your arms around my shoulder for the entire movie, your other hand never leaving mine. By the end of the movie, we complained that our arms fell asleep. We didn’t want to go back quite yet, so we drove around in the dark. "We don’t have empty roads like this back home." "There might be a psycho in the woods." "Uh. There is no road here."
We pulled over on the side of a country road and sat in the car, just looking at each other in the dark. It was cloudy before. It had been raining. I glanced outside, wishing the stars would come out. The sky was clear. No matter what the season is, the stars always find their way back to us. I crawled into your seat and you held me close. You kissed my cracked lips and you brought me into a tight embrace. We stayed like that for seemed like a blink of an eye now. My mother called to wonder where we were, if we were close, because the kids wanted to go to sleep and their belongings were in the trunk. I threw you an apologetic look, and on the whole way back, I kicked myself internally. We’d been putting it off.
Once at the house, you took me in your arms on the couch and we fought off drowsiness to stay awake, to spill the contents of our aching hearts. "I’m not tired." "Only this much." "From your house to my house, you mean?" I fell asleep in your arms for an hour. It was peaceful. I opened my eyes and you were looking at me, trying to memorize every feature of my face like I had been earlier. And I knew. I come to this realization every time I look at you. The midnight hour drew near, and my mother would have my head if I didn’t go upstairs. We exchanged those three little words and we parted ways.
When it came time for the two of us to go our separate ways in the morning, everything I wanted to say lodged in the back of my throat. I worried too much. I worried that my breath smelled or that I smelled or that my family was looking. In the end, I wrapped my crooked arms around you and told you that it was always good to see you. We shared that regretful look and, unwillingly, turned to leave.
I don’t know when I’ll see you again. It came true. The only wish I made this year.
“We’re not even two people. Even before we met, we were just these two halves walking around with big gaping holes shaped like the other person. And then we found each other and we were finally whole. Then it’s as if we couldn’t stand being happy, so we ripped ourselves in half again.”—Sylvia (via jacquerose)
“i think of it like a tree, because every tree is really two trees. there’s the tree with the branches that everyone sees, and then there’s the upside-down root tree, growing the opposite way. so earth is the branches, growing up to the sky, and elsewhere is the roots, growing down in opposing but perfect symmetry. the branches don’t think much about the roots, and maybe the roots don’t think much about the branches, but all the time, they’re connected by the trunk, you know? even though it seems far from the roots to the branches, it isn’t. you’re always connected, you just don’t think about-”—esther (elsewhere)
The face of a happy girl. My plans are coming through. It’s just the waiting game now. I hope his dad lets him visit me, even though the new plan was last minute (it’s not my fault we had a death in the family.) BUT we figured it out on my side, and come on, Mr. McAtee, get in the holiday spirit. I just want to see Devin. All I want to do. See him. Look at him. Take every feature of him and commit it to memory so I won’t forget it. And I also want to drive with the windows down and sing along to cheesy 80s songs with him. He promised we could do that sometime.
My family is eating at Isaac’s and our waitress’s name is Bernadette. All I can think of is… BERNADETTE PEOPLE ARE SEARCHING FOR THE KIND OF LOVE THAT WE POSSESSED. AND SOME GO ON SEARCHING THEIR WHOLE LIFE THROUGH AND NEVER FOUND THE LOVE I FOUND IN YOUUUUU.