Finally went against my “counting calorie” hatred and got the app my parents have. I’ve been gaining weight recently and I just need to lose at least ten pounds. At least. Like fuck. I’m feeling awful and horrible and I just want to feel good about myself. Time for a change. For real.
Quit vegetarianism. Done. Ate a chicken sandwich. Worth it. And then Tom showed everyone at MJ a picture of me when I was twelve. It’s odd. Only a few people knew that Shannon. It’s just a picture to everyone else.
Levon Helm died. I feel like I’m coming full circle. In 2006 at my very first School of Rock show, I played on The Night They Drove Ol’ Dixie Down This past summer, I saw him perform at Gathering of the Vibes. It was a great performance. I’m so glad that I got to see him before he died.
It’s getting later and later and I keep counting down the hours of sleep I’ll get tonight. But all I can think about is how much my finger hurts from the dermatologist freezy burning it yesterday and the mother fucking moon bounce that will be at SOR Prom.
Making decisions doesn’t come easy for me. Even the silly ones, like what to wear in the morning or what word I’m wanting to use in my writing. I’m dreading the moment I ask someone to Rock School Prom. It’s because I’m taking it so seriously since I can’t go to my real prom (How many times have I mentioned that now?) But I digress. I have a short list of people in mind (that list is two people). June is still a ways off. I guess I’ll wait and see what I feel. Or something.
“Thomas Edison’s last words were ‘It’s very beautiful over there’. I don’t know where there is, but I believe it’s somewhere, and I hope it’s beautiful.”— John Green, Looking for Alaska (via reason-i-dont-believe)
I realize that this is a very narcissistic picture of me, but my expression accurately describes my weekend and current state of mind. Thursday I saw someone I haven’t seen in quite some time, and I ended up spending the later part of my evening with him on Saturday. After Titanic, I picked him up and we sat at Wegman’s until around 1 in the morning. My jaws still ache from laughing so hard. He really should learn how to keep hold of that pen. Friday I ushered at Titanic. I let myself get into the music, and I must say, our pit is phenomenal and there are some incredible singers in my school. I was blown away all three nights I saw it. I spontaneously spent the later part of my Friday evening laying on a couch and listening to music with someone else I haven’t seen in awhile. Saturday, I ushered yet again. Needed those credits for NHS. I ran into some other seniors from last year and I boasted about my book. And Sammy and I dyed our hair in my bathroom while listening to the Backstreet Boys and some other wonderful 90s bands. And today, even though I wanted to see Titanic for the final time, I had a Dteam gig at the Caln Roller Rink and I wore a new dress and I danced and enjoyed myself as much as I could.
All in all, pretty fucking fantastic weekend. It’s scary how fast the year is coming to a close.
So I just found this on one of those dumb Yahoo! articles entitled “Movie Love Triangles that break your heart.” THERE IS NO KISS BETWEEN THEM. EVER. (unless you count what comes out of the locket, BUT THAT’S NOT REAL). WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT.
I want to stretch this moment into infinity. I want to sit here and laugh until my breath fails me for the rest of my life. I want my clothes to be in a constant state of disrepair (but world peace would be nice, too). I don’t want you to go across the pond and I don’t want to be stuck in a cornfield. The world is not a wish granting factory.
At the end of the blazing summer I will be there and you will be across the great big pond that divides our earthly souls.
I never noticed, you said. I never noticed the way your eyes lit up when I entered the room or how you lingered, always trying to hold my attention or the way your lips curved into a pleasured grin when I grabbed you round the waist and twirled you, like in the movies.